: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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