I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
