I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
