You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
COCAINE IS GR8
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
