I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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