No awkward lesbian experiences without me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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