yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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