He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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