i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
