im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
