i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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