Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
