I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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