i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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