White coat. Heels.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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