so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
