Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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