ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
