need another drink. this is the easiest way
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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