is your mom at the bar?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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