: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
