There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
