I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
