i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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