mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think i have herpe
just one?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
