This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
