I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
