so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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