awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
