i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
