were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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