Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
