Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
