It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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