I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
