I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
