I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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