so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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