So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
