I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
