Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
