You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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