a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
