It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
