It's just like the Real World with babies
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
