Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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