Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
