Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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