I wish life had little blips of pornography
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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