I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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