Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
