There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
