I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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