ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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