OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
