this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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