Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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